So you’ve just broken up and you’re wondering how to handle this painful period.
Here are some tips to help you make it through and come out on the other side even stronger.
- Accept Your Feelings – There is a great quote from the psychiatrist R.D. Laing. Laing said “There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain.” It’s natural to be hurt after a break up. Accept that you’re going to hurt for some time and don’t make it worse by adding more pain by trying to avoid the pain.
- Keep Your Mind Busy When You Need a Break – If I tell you not to think of an elephant, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? Probably something to do with an elephant. Similarly, if you tell yourself not to think about your ex, you will probably think about them even more. It’s almost impossible to force yourself not to think about something. But what you can do is engage in situations that make you think about something else. Read good books. Do crossword puzzles. Even play video games. Do something that actively engages your mind and it can give you a slight respite from the pain while you’re getting over a break up.
- Use the Pain as a Guide to Learn About Yourself – The period while you’re getting over a break up can be one filled with growth that can help you in future relationships. The pain that you feel often ties into past issues and reflects deep lessons about your wounds and fears. How are you feeling exactly? Angry? Betrayed? Abandoned? Consider times you’ve felt these ways in your past. Did this break up mirror some past situations and re-open wounds you might have forgotten about? If so, this might be your chance to do some healing. You might want to read books like those in our resources section to help you process while you’re still in touch with these sensitive feelings.
- Consider Seeing a Therapist – A great therapist can really help you come to terms with the end of the relationship, get the most out of the learning opportunities this period makes available to you and prepare yourself to become an even better person, capable of even better relationships, in the future. If you’re having an extremely difficult time dealing with the break up, by all means get the support you need. But a therapist can be beneficial even if you’re coping well, but want to do even more to reach your future potential.
- Learn That You Can Be Alright Alone – It isn’t always easy to be alone. Some people fear it more than almost anything else. Some have actually rarely spent any time alone in their lives. It’s important to know that, even if you don’t plan to be alone often in your life, you can survive if you have to be. If you fear being alone too much, you will end up in relationships based in the fear of not having somebody there, rather than a desire to be with that particular person. So use this time after your break up to prove to yourself that you can survive by yourself. If you need the help of a therapist or even close friends, that is acceptable. By “alone” here we simply mean without being in an intimate romantic relationship for a period of time.
Breakups can be painful, but you may be surprised that, if you handle it properly, you could end up looking back at your breakup as a springboard for some of the best things that will arrive in your life.
Hope these tips help you understand how to get over a break up! Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.
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