Breakup Advice

It’s impossible to completely predict how any relationship will go. There are too many unforeseeable factors.

However, there are some relationship questions that we can explore to get a general idea of how healthy a relationship is. Here are some questions you might want to think about. Not only can they help you assess a relationship you’re in now, but they might help you figure out what went wrong in past relationships and what you’d like to change in future ones.

Question #1: Can we appreciate each other’s differences?

In a healthy relationship, differences are seen as complementary, not antagonistic. Of course, this idea does have limits. Some differences are non-negotiable. But in most cases, differences, which are not deal-breakers, should be viewed as strengthening, not weakening, the relationship.

Question #2: Can we communicate about disagreements without taking it too personally?

There is no relationship in which couples agree 100% about everything. They all have disagreements, sometimes even very lively ones. But can you still respect each other even during or after what may be heated discussions?

Question #3: Can we explore each other’s pasts together?

A remarkable amount of what goes on in relationship dynamics stems from our pasts, going all the way back to our childhoods and our relationships with our parents or caregivers. Are you comfortable enough to get to know your partner’s past and share yours? This is one of the most important relationship questions to ask of all because, if you can, it will put all of your present and future interactions in a new light and may help build compassion.

Question #4: Do we share the same view of the purpose of relationships?

Are relationships about loyalty? Fun? Building financial security? Emotional growth? Even if you said all of those, then which ones take priority over the others? While it’s fine, even important, to disagree on some things with your partner, one of the most important ones to have some agreement on is about what relationships mean to you in the first place.

Question #5: Have we openly discussed our desires regarding children and how we believe they should be raised?

Few things can be more tragic than when couples fail to talk about their views about children and then end up in a parenting situation for which they are not prepared. It is especially tragic because often it is the innocent children that end up paying the price because their parents failed to explore this topic before they came along. This may be one of those non-negotiable differences if you and your partner truly disagree. A world of trouble and relationship problems can be avoided by clarifying your feelings and beliefs about parenting before they become a part of daily life.

Question #6: Can we be sensitive to each other’s greatest joys and fears, even if they are not always the same?

What most inspires your partner and what do they most fear? If you don’t know, why not? Do they know what your answer to these questions would be? Can you talk about these things together? So much of our lives are driven by joy and fear. It can help to be conscious of what brings about these emotions for each other.

These are just a few of the many relationship questions worth asking. But they are also some of the most important.

What questions do you think are most important for partners to explore? Let us know. Leave a comment.